Bracket Busters

How about that cinderella story of Marist's developing after their defeat of Middle Tennessee State? Did anyone see that coming? They could be this years version of TCU. "Hold on a sec," you're asking, "These teams aren't in the NCAA tournament, I don't even think they're in the NIT..." That's where you're wrong, Marist certainly is in the NIT. However, I was referring to the oft overlooked women's NCAA tournament. That's right, Women's March Madness. Were you surprised it exists? I was too when I found out. Honestly, it just kills me when outlets like ESPN put it on their front page and pretend like anyone cares. Any woman who happens to somehow accidently stumble on this column might think "another rant from a woman hater". I would like to think this is just a rant of a women's basketball hater.

I will confess to have repeatedly made fun of the WNBA, there's no point in denying it. I can honestly say that I have good reason to. Women's basketball is simply massively inferior to the men's game. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but I don't know a single female basketball fan who could even pretend to care about women's basketball. As I said, the reason is simple, the product it crap.

Apologists will say "women's basketball is a more fundamental game than the men's". Bullshit. Diana Taurasi is one of the WNBA's top guards and she averages an amazing 4.5 assists per game. I'm pretty sure passing the ball is the most fundamental skill a point guard should have. Sheryl Swoopes, one of the best players in WNBA history had an astounding 39% field goal percentage. As I understand layups and jumpers are pretty fundamental skills as well. 39% means you probably have enough bricks to build a neighborhood, nevermind a house.

You might also argue "you can't compare women with men". I wholeheartedly agree, you can't. The problem is that since women's hoops isn't really a fundamental game, then what is it? It's missing all the real fundamental things that make men's basketball enjoyable: Alley-oops, power dunks, wild circus shots. Women's golf and tennis are two far more popular women's sports and it's not all because of Maria Sharapova and Michelle Wie (did you know she's only 16 you sick bastard?). It's because the essence of the game is still there. Sure, you're missing the 400 yard drives and 200 mph serves, but you don't need those to enjoy the technical aspects of the game. A volley is still a volley and a lob, a lob. You don't get aberrations like a layup touching the rim and the commentators act like a backboard shattering dunk just happened.

The product isn't much better than a decent pickup game at the park. I'm not saying that women should stop playing basketball or the WNBA should fold (although if it did, would anyone notice?), that would be terrible. Women need an outlet to compete just as men do. However, it's time to stop acting like anyone cares. ESPN isn't putting world swimming championships or the Brier Cup of curling boldly on the front page, it shouldn't be doing it with women's March Madness either.