There are already enough NFL articles so....

I was about to write something about the NBA, even though there hasn't been much activity. That's when I realized the real money was in a spot about the WNBA. Therefore, the following column was about the recent conclusion of the WNBA finals, written in a way that makes it seems like people actually cared.

SHOCK-ING VICTORY
Detroit Shock claim 2nd WNBA Title over Sacremento

When the WNBA Finals tipped off last week, Katie Smith was the only player on the court who had not won a championship. That is no longer the case. Smith scored 17 points, including two clutch jumpers in the final two minutes, as the Detroit Shock claimed their second title with a stirring 80-75 victory over the Sacramento Monarchs. The Shock, who also won the title in 2003, won the last two games of the best-of-five series and dethroned the Monarchs, who were trying to become the league's third repeat champion. Instead, Detroit joined Houston (1997-2000) and Los Angeles (2001-02) as multiple championship winners...

Okay, I admit it. I can't even pretend to care. I plagarized the entire paragraph from something on WNBA.com. It's impossible, I can't put any effort into ANYTHING related to the WNBA. Please enjoy this clip of WNBA players trying to dunk in their all-star game for its comedic value. Also thank the guy who posted this on YouTube, making the WNBA a funnier place.



I promise a real Double Take in a few days.

The Quick Take

Welcome to The Quick Take, a short rundown on current sports stories.

1. Rick DiPietro's 15-year deal with the Islanders
Almost as bad as that deal black people had with white people in America 200 years ago, you know, slavery. At least he's getting paid.

2. Deion Branch
Patriots show him the door and the Seahawks show him the money. Give Jerry Porter a call in Oakland and offer him a few tips.

3. Atlanta Braves end 14-game winning streak
Amazing... too bad they lost 73 games before that and still have a losing record.

4. Federer wins US Open
Not really news, pretty much routine now. Did you really think Roddick had a chance?

5. WNBA Championship
Did you know this was going on? Neither did I...

6. Colt McCoy
No longer news after OSU debacle.

7. Jays projected to lose $22 Million this year
Rogers communications earns $7.9 billion, declares "no biggie"

8. More Drugs in sports
Also not really news a la 4) and 6). Taking a line from a song, "legalize it!"

9. Michigan - Notre Dame
"Sorry, I'm busy saturday afternoon, can we reschedule?"

10. Brett Favre
Shutout and threw 2 INTs (Now on pace for 32, you might beat last year if you try!). I got the perfect team for you Brett, retired NFL players!

The real technology of sports

So the other day, I'm going to buy a new cell phone. I always try to avoid the salespeople pestering you about some weird feature that I don't really care about. "Transflash card? No, I like being male just fine, thank you very much..." (Note: I actually do know what that is) Anyway, while the guy is activating my new phone, he pulls out his own (which is the same model) to show me a few features. One thing he showed me were ESPN mobile clips. Then he looked at my plan and told me I didn't have the unlimited data, so that would cost a lot if I did that. So I bite the bullet and now pay an extra 10 bucks per month. Good thing he showed me the ESPN clips and not TSN (we're in Canada afterall), because the last thing I need are video highlights of Eric Lindros mowing his lawn during hockey's off-season on my phone.

It made me realize how pervasive technology is in sports. Anyone watch the US Open? This year was the debut of a NFL-style instant replay challenge system, except it's even fancier, believe it or not. When a player challenges a call of where the ball landed, a computer generated video clip of the play is shown on the big screen, along with multiple angles of the shot. It is often accompanied by a lot of oohing and ahhing from the gallery.

Every game has this high-tech angle. Adidas has a basketball shoe which contains a microchip that can adjust the level of cushioning the shoe delievers. I was in an optical shop and they were hawking some Nike contacts which improves contrast levels, good for baseball players, or terrible golfers who can't follow or find the ball.

It's getting pretty ridiculous. That is, the way we persecute poor Barry Bonds and Floyd Landis. They're merely taking the next step in sports technology. People are people. I'm sure we can push the human race to run a sub 9.7 100 m sprint without drugs, but what are you going to do about it? Force the men's and women's world record holders to breed? We should welcome the steroid-era with open arms instead of being so afraid of change. Eventually we'll get tired of the 70 Home Run Plateau. With drugs, guys could be hitting a hundred dingers a season, who wouldn't go watch baseball? You thought basketball players were athletic? You ain't see nothin' yet... I'm reminded of an ancient SNL skit where they had a "Steroid Olympics" and one of the opening lines was something along the lines of "... already over a dozen world records have been shattered..." All I'm saying is, there's a reason is took like 15 years to beat Ben Johnson's Seoul record.

I for one, welcome our new pharmaceutical overlords...

Writing the succesful sports column

It's been a few months since I starting writing the Double Take, and so far I've attracted a loyal following of 8 or so people (most of them Devin). Out of all the posts, I've collected all of one comment (surprisingly, not him). Had doing this cost me any money, this would've long been canned and considered a colossal failure. However, thanks to the internet and the "new media", it's free and only costs me the time to craft a column which would otherwise been wasted playing Command & Conquer or looking up something retarded on Wikipedia.

Is it time for a reset? Maybe, if I'm ever to crack the 10+ readership barrier. There must be something that keeps people coming for more like a good bowl of gruel. After some extensive research, I'm ready to present examine what really makes a successful sports column.

1. A Cool Handle
Looking at some popular sports-media personalities, they always a neat name like "Sports Guy", "the Schwab", or "Bryant Gumbel". If they didn't have the cool nicknames we might be calling them "geeky Red Sox guy" or "sports version of comic book guy". Decidedly less cool.

2. Regular Features
This one is big. Everyone has regular features. Half the time they aren't even really sports-related. Bill Simmons writes about wrestling, reality TV shows, or the O.C. half the time. It's like Letterman's Top-10 lists, if they're even remotely humorous, people will come regularly. Uncertainty is scary, if people loved surprises; there wouldn't be a McDonald's and Starbucks every other block.

3. The Angle
Everyone has an angle. Jason Whitlock is the tortured Kansas City sports fan. Local Toronto Star columnist Dave Feschuk is negative about just short of everything. Even if people hate your angle, they'll come just so they can tear you a new one about you could say something like "Vince Young will redefine the position... of Wide Receiver".

4. Rugged Good Looks
They can't hurt can they?

5. The Mailbag
It's like those infomercials where they keep asking if the set of knives are worth 100 bucks, telling them they're only 30 and then following up with a question about how crazy and unbelievable it is to sell knives for such a low price. Everyone loves audience feedback, even if it's semi-retarded or totally irrelevant. If my buddy Matt writes in about how our mutual pal AJ is going ballroom dancing instead of drinking and how he should deal with the situation, I really should put it up. Not only is it hilarious that this man is forgoing drinking with his buddies for ballroom dancing, but people love to see their own names and contributions. Such recognition can only inspire regular participation and readership.

6. A good dose of wit and insight
Can’t buy or invent this now. Only you guys can tell me if I’ve got it.

7. Regular updates
I know, I know, once every two weeks isn’t very regular. If this was my digestive system, I’d be seriously uncomfortable at this point.

These are probably the big ones. Since I live in the bastion of democracy and free-speech, Canada, I implore you readers to actually leave a comment or e-mail about the direction of where the Double Take is headed. Of course, if the past is any indication, all I’ll be having is a little chat on MSN messenger with Devin.